


I'll Follow You Down While We're Passing Through Space

by madness_and_smiles



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-25
Updated: 2013-07-25
Packaged: 2017-12-21 07:18:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/897459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madness_and_smiles/pseuds/madness_and_smiles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The world changes for Herc Hansen in many ways after the kaiju attack on Sydney, but if there's one positive thing about it, it's that Stacker Pentecost becomes an important part of his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Follow You Down While We're Passing Through Space

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [I'll Follow You Down While We're Passing Through Space (Chinese Version)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/927558) by [d7b7](https://archiveofourown.org/users/d7b7/pseuds/d7b7)



> holy fuck I hope you guys like this I worked really hard on it and I've been drowning in Pacific Rim feelings since it came out.  
> Thank you to Christine and Carolyn for being awesome about this. And for Christine texting me that she was crying.

When Hercules Hanson first meets Stacker Pentecost, he doesn’t know that the other man is still waking up in the middle of the night, his heart beating outside of his chest as he tries his hardest not to be pulled apart by the black hole of his grief. No one would never know it to look at him. When Stacker visits with the PPDC, he is something else entirely; he is a fixed point. He is stability personified. It’s only at night alone where the waters of depression lap at his feet and he drowns.

Herc doesn’t know any of this at the time. Herc is still young and strong, with a smile as bright as the Australian sunshine. He hasn’t lost Angela yet, his son still adores him, and Herc naively thinks that this Kaiju mess will be taken care of sooner rather than later. The kaiju are a problem with a solution, and maybe Herc doesn’t know what that solution is, but he knows it must exist. So how could he recognize the sadness in the slope of Stacker’s shoulders, when he hadn’t yet felt it settle over his own?

He’s introduced to Pentecost as the best of the best – The Australian Air Force’s shining star. Pentecost does not smile, and his grip on Herc’s hand is like iron. Herc wonders if he was ever young, if he was ever happy. He doesn’t think so, but then the world has changed a lot since the first kaiju attack.

They talk battle and strategy, plans the PPDC has for defense forces, vulnerabilities of the kaiju that might exist. Someone mentions that new Jaeger Program, but Herc isn’t even sure he can believe it exists. People linking minds with a robot? How can that be possible?

Pentecost is not Marshall yet, so he doesn’t yet shoot out his opinions with the coiled authority Herc will one day come to expect. He just listens and watches, silent as the grave. It’s largely an unproductive meeting.

Herc tries to invite him out for a beer afterwards, “just knock back a couple, y’know mate?” but Pentecost excuses himself politely and Herc forgets all about the quiet man from the PPDC by the time he gets home to an armful of Angela and Chuck.

He doesn’t think at all about Pentecost and his quiet eyes until Sydney is hit by its first kaiju attack three weeks later.

The air is burning with screams and Herc has his gangly young son wrapped in his arms at home on the outskirts of the city when the bomb hits. Angela still hasn’t come home, and Herc feels fear creep through his chest like ice.

In his mad dash in the car to get home safe, Herc knew he had the opportunity to either pick up Angela or Chuck. With the roads like they were - people screaming and running and cars left abandoned in the street - there would never be enough time for both. Angela would have done the same, without question.

Chuck won’t stop glaring at Herc and asking where Mummy is, and he is only a child so he can’t see how that questions strikes right at Herc’s heart. He can’t understand that Herc made the only choice a parent could ever made, and no, he doesn’t know where Mummy is. Surprisingly, it is Pentecost who comes to deliver that information.

“She was killed by the kaiju, she wasn’t even in the vicinity of the bomb,” he says, and Herc wonders if that’s true. Wonders if that’s even a comfort – taken out by one monster instead of another. Does it matter what type of pain Angela was in? The point is she was in pain, and now she’s gone. Angela is gone. His wife is dead.

The realization hits Herc all at once, and he has to brace himself against the counter top or else he thinks he’ll fall over. He takes one shuddering breath, then another, and then right when he thinks the dam is about to break, Herc feels Pentecost settle a strong hand his shoulder.

“You are going to be all right, soldier.” Pentecost’s voice is something Herc can cling to in this moment. It’s a port in the storm that Herc doesn’t think will ever end. “You are going to get through this. For yourself, for your son, for the world.”

They stand like that for one minute, then two. Herc settles his breathing while Pentecost waits at his side. He knows that by now Chuck has probably disobeyed Herc’s orders and left his room. He’s probably settled on the top of the staircase, straining to pick up any bit of conversation, like Herc knew he used to do to find out what he was getting for Christmas.

“What do I do now?” Herc finally asks, and Pentecost sighs.

“Corporal Hansen, I know now is not the time to mention this, but when you are ready the PPDC would like to talk. I’m… truly sorry for what happened to your wife. I’m sure she was an amazing woman.”

“She was the stronger of the two of us,” Herc croaks out, and Pentecost gives him a knowing look before handing him a card that Herc accepts on autopilot.

“You’re stronger than you think.”

At that exact moment, it’s all too much to process for Herc. It’s too much to think about on top his son’s angry green eyes, bright with tears and his screams of “I hate you she’s dead because you didn’t save her I hate you” that echoes through Herc’s head when he tries to go to sleep in an empty bed.

A bed that is empty because his wife is gone. His wife is dead. Herc doesn’t think anyone understands that she is gone and he is never going to see her again. He’s never going to hear her laugh again. He’s never going to….

But the weeks pass and soon it’s been two months and Herc remembers how to breathe again, how to live again, and Chuck’s screams fade away into slammed doors which turn into jaded looks and maybe it never really gets better from there, but Herc begins to think that they’re going to be okay. They’re going to pull through this.

He repeats Pentecost’s last words to him like a prayer. He is stronger than he thinks, and he and Chuck are going to be okay.

That’s when he remembers that Pentecost left a card, and that the card came with an offer.

Now Herc looks at the card again, and he begins to feel something that might be hope. Herc doesn’t know much about Stacker Pentecost. He doesn’t know about the man’s demons, although he’s sure Pentecost has them. He doesn’t know what exactly made Pentecost decide to come and deliver the news in person, although Herc is sure there was a reason.

What he does know about Stacker Pentecost is this: that hand on his shoulder and the reminder of his son were the only things that kept Herc sane throughout the first week. When all is said and done, that’s enough for Herc to decide he would follow Pentecost to the ends of the earth.

oOoOoOoOo

Herc enters the Jaegre Program, and suddenly he and Chuck are surrounded by a family they never expected. There is never a moment’s rest, never a boring day, and the two of them thrive in the new environment.

Herc enters the Jaeger Program, but he doesn’t see Pentecost again until a year later.

Coyote Tango, piloted by Pentecost and his co-pilot Tamsin Sevier, had just taken down its first kaiju, and the world went nuts.

The Shatterdome erupted into cheers when the news comes in over the radio. Herc heard Pentecost’s voice say “the kaiju is down, coming on home” and he grabbed Chuck and for the first time since the bomb dropped his boy let his dad wrap him up in a big bear hug and the two howled their excitement. It was a night of champagne and songs and laughter – feelings no one ever thought would come again.

It was a sense of happiness and hope that Herc hadn’t felt since he lost Angela.

Now Herc stands at full attention, while Pentecost and Sevier survey the Shatterdome on their first post-kaiju tour. He wonders if the other man remembers him, or if Herc was just one of many recruitments that Pentecost was involved with. He doesn’t think so, it was always more personal than that. Herc stands stock still as Pentecost moves down the line, and is only barely surprised when Pentecost stops in front of him with a small smile, the first Herc has ever seen on his face.

“It’s good to see you again, Ranger Hansen. I’m glad you took me up on my offer.”

“Glad I did too, Sir.”

The two men stare at each other for a beat longer, and then Pentecost moves on.

In the mess hall afterwards, Chuck is badgering his father with questions.

“So you know that Pentecost guy? He’s the one who had us move here?”

“He didn’t make us do anything, Chuck. He just gave us the opportunity.”

“Well if you ask me,” Chuck starts, and then Pentecost is somehow magically standing behind him.

“If we ask you, Mr. Hansen, what would you have to say?”

Chuck wheels around on the balls of his feet, and Herc can see the shift in his stance and the difference Chuck’s days taking sparring lessons are having on his once lanky son. There’s muscle under skin now, and Herc feels a mixture of pride and sadness. His son trains hard, but it’s to fight back monsters he should never have known.

“I think you were wasting your time recruiting my old man.”

“Oi there, watch your mouth kid,” Herc growls but Chuck just shakes his head.

“You should’ve been recruiting me. I’m gonna be the best jaeger place this world’s ever seen. Way better than you, or my dad ever will be.” Chuck says the last part as a challenge, but Pentecost locks eyes with Herc and there is an air of understanding there.

“Best get training then,” Pentecost replies pointedly, and Chuck scowls before grabbing his tray and walking away, muttering that he wasn’t going to stay anyways. Pentecost sits down in his place, and Herc can’t exactly pinpoint why, but the other man looks much better than he did the last time they met. Though he supposes Pentecost could say the same for him.

“It’s good to see you again, mate. I worried about you sometimes.”

“You seem to be doing quite well here. I hear they’re thinking of putting you in the next available jaeger.”

“You heard right.” Herc grins. His hard work is finally going to pay off, and he is going to be able to do what he couldn’t in Sydney last year. Herc is going to be able to protect people.

“I’ll be happy to be in the field with you,” Stacker says, “I know I can trust a man like you to follow me into battle, and have my back.”

“Don’t ever even question it. I’m behind you every step of the way, sir.”

They finish their lunch together, and when Herc once again invites Pentecost back for a cold one, Pentecost once again declines. He’s leaving for New Zealand at 0600 the next morning, he explains, and Herc understands.

They do keep in contact after that though, like friends do. Herc likes to think that’s what they are, friends. Maybe even good friends, since now Herc realizes that they both saw each other at a moment of weakness.

Pentecost eventually becomes Stacker, and Herc goes from Ranger Hansen to Hansen to, occasionally, Herc. He meets Stacker’s co-pilot Tamsin on more than one video call, and is surprised to learn that she’s even more dedicated to the cause that Pentecost is. The three of them spend hours discussing the future of the Jaeger Program together, the improvements they can make, the way that the future suddenly feels within their grasp.

So it’s not hard to imagine why, after Coyote Tango’s deployment to fight the Trespasser in Tokyo, Herc is confused about his contact with Stacker suddenly shutting off. Why he’s hurt to learn of Tamsin’s retirement not from her or Stacker, but from a form letter sent out to all rangers by the heads of the PPDC.

Stacker’s looking for a new co-pilot, and he didn’t even tell Herc that himself.

So forgive Herc if he doesn’t feel like returning the favor, and puts in a request to become Stacker Pentecost’s next partner himself without telling anyone. Except Chuck.

“But you’re about to get your own jaeger here,” Chuck complains, and Herc shushes him. If there’s one problem in their relationship, it’s that they don’t know how to talk to each other without it turning into a stupid fight of some sort, and Herc just can’t deal with that right now.

“I needed him once, and now he needs me,” Herc says, “it’s time to return the favor.”

Of course you would never know that Stacker needed him from the way he greets Herc at the co-pilot tests.

“What are you doing here, Ranger?” He growls, and Herc steps onto the map with his staff lowered.

“I’m here for you, sir. I said I’d have your back, and if you thought that I didn’t mean it when I said it then you don’t know me as well as I thought you did.”

The two cross staffs, and from there the fight takes off. It’s give and take, push and pull. Herc will have his staff under the curve of Stacker’s throat, only to be flipped onto his back with Stacker’s strong forearm braced against his stomach. Stacker will have Herc on the ropes, but then suddenly Herc will be standing above him while Stacker is on his knees.

It feels like electricity. It feels like making love. It feels like a conversation at three in the morning with your best friend. It’s a connection the likes of which Herc hasn’t felt in years.

“Whether you like it or not,” Herc gasps out as he pulls Stacker up off of the map, “I’m the best co-pilot out there for you right now. Stacker. Please.”

They lock eyes, and Herc can feel Stacker coming into a decision.

“I suppose I can’t really stop you.” Stacker finally says, even though they both know that he could.

“Thank you. I won’t let you down.”

oOoOoOoOo

Herc would be lying if he said he felt no trepidation about drifting with Stacker. For all that he considers Stacker a close friend, sharing a brain feels like another level of intimacy.

“I carry nothing into the drift,” Stacker says, but Herc doesn’t really know what that means.

“Just my rubbish you’ll have to deal with then,” Herc offers with a smile, and Stacker returns it for the first time since Tokyo.

Entering the drift is cold and warm all at once and it rips your breath from you and for a very brief second Herc thinks his brain might be imploding. But then the world stills and he breaths again.

There is a Herc, and there is a Stacker, but sometimes it’s hard to tell which is which. It is not knowing whose right arm itches, it is feeling the shift of Stacker’s breathing within his own chest.

It is a little Japanese girl in a blue dress being gathered into Herc’s arms (Stacker’s arms) as he (Stacker) tries to wipe the tears from her face. Except that sometimes the little girl is Chuck, except for when she isn’t.

Chuck doesn’t watch Saturday morning cartoons, has never seen Sailor Moon, but this little girl has. _Mako_ , Stacker’s voice supplies, and Herc nods unconsciously. He knows that this little girl loves strawberries, that she cried when she meet Tamsin (in a hospital? No, that thought is off-limits to Herc). Herc knows that he (Stacker) feels a fierce love and sense of protectiveness over this little girl, which means Herc feels it too. For this moment in time, Mako is his daughter just like Chuck is Stacker’s son.

“I didn’t know you had a daughter,” Herc says and Stacker nods.

“I’m sure you know this, but she’s a recent addition to my life.” Stacker says, and that’s all of the explanation Herc gets. All he really needs.

They move as one, fight as one, and think as one.

The most interesting thing about drifting though, Herc thinks, is that he is aware of Stacker’s heart beating in time with his own. He doesn’t know how they sink up like that, but they do, and it both terrifies and excites him.

They take down one kaiju, then two. It’s the most useful Herc has felt in years, and he knows that somewhere there is a woman hugging her son or daughter and that he did that. He and Stacker made that possible.

They learn about each other, not usually from the drift because as Stacker says he “takes nothing”, but by regular conversation. By spending time together, and being co-pilots.

It’s just the simple things at first - Stacker doesn’t like beer, actually. Herc’s the last of an impressive line of red heads. They both have strong childhood connections to the movie _Blazing Saddles._ That sort of stuff.

Then Stacker sits down and tells Herc about his sister Luna’s death, and how she would’ve been the real jaeger pilot in the family. He talks about the strain of piloting the jaeger alone in Tokyo after Tamsin passed out, and about Tamsin’s cancer. They visit her in the hospital together once. Herc puts a protective hand on Stacker’s shoulder at her funeral.

Herc learns that what drives Stacker is the same thing that drives him, a desire to have no one ever experience what they went through. To never feel that same sense of bone shattering loss.

Herc confesses that he was at the end of his rope with Chuck, and if he hadn’t taken the two of them to the Shatterdome he doesn’t know what he would’ve done. It’s gotten better since then, slightly. Something about the atmosphere on base, the constant hustle and bustle and the strict regiments kept Chuck in place, and kept the two of them getting along if not always talking much. Stacker doesn’t judge him, how could he? He’s been in Herc’s head. He just listens and lets Herc talk it all out.

Herc finally meets the beautiful Miss Mori after their third jaeger kill. She is a ten year old spitfire, and she goes on and on for Herc’s entire visit about the jaeger she’s going to pilot one day.

“Just like Sensei,” she says, and Herc laughs before giving her hair a ruffle.

“You know, sweetheart, I think you could be the biggest, baddest pilot of them all. Just don’t tell my son I said that, he’d get mighty jealous.”

When you drift with someone, you are family. There’s no two ways about it. Even if Stacker had been a complete stranger when they partnered up, by now he would feel like Herc’s brother.

As it is, he wasn’t a stranger, and today he isn’t Herc’s brother. He’s something different.

It’s after their fourth kill, once Herc has begun to feel as comfortable within Stacker’s head as he does in his own. Once he begins to miss the pressure of the drift in bed at night. Once he realizes that he and Stacker have been partners for two years whole years, that’s when it starts.

His body feels warmer when Stacker’s around. He tracks his movements without even meaning to, no matter where they are. The other day, he couldn’t keep his eyes off of the line of Stacker’s throat while he drained a water bottle.

Herc isn’t an idiot, but he tries to tries to ignore it. He buries it down deep, doesn’t let it come out in the drift and doesn’t let affect his missions. He is a good Ranger and he is a good co-pilot. He knows how to control himself.

It’s after their sixth kill and another year in the field when the dreams start. Dreams of Stacker moaning Herc’s name into his mouth, dreams of them pushed up against the wall of the Shatterdome, and dreams of Herc leaning above Stacker in bed sweating and begging _please._

But the thing is, it’s not just lust.

When he’s not with Stacker, Herc literally feels like a part of him is missing. Like there’s a gaping hole in his brain, like his heart isn’t beating right in time. He feels like he’s coming undone.

Herc thinks he might be in love with Stacker Pentecost, and here’s the kicker; he’s pretty sure Stacker feels it too.

He can feel Stacker’s eyes on him, can feel the tendril of warmth and happiness and protect that connects Herc to Stacker in Stacker’s mind.

There is something going on here, something is happening.

Only Herc isn’t quite sure what to do about it.

He’s never been the best with words, and he’s never been great at confronting his own feelings. His relationship with his son should show that: they can’t communicate, and Herc doesn’t know how to even try to begin to explain what he feels.

It was always Angela who made the first move between them. She was the one who approached the secretly nervous cadet at the bar and bought him a drink. Hell, it was Angela who talked Herc through his own fumbling proposal. But Angela isn’t here now.

So Herc comes up with the only plan that doesn’t involve messy words or awkward propositions. He decides to use the drift. Herc isn’t stupid enough to trying this while fighting a kaiju, it’s just a routine body check. They’re nearing the end of an hour of pointless commands when Herc does something admittedly kind of stupid and shoves an image at Stacker.

It’s his dream from the night before, of Stacker holding Herc’s wrists above his head and licking the sweat from the hollow of Herc’s throat. Just thinking about it makes Herc feel like jumping in a cold shower, and Stacker can’t hide that he feels the same.

Herc feel the pulse of want and arousal and mine go through Stacker’s head before he closes off, but Stacker can’t hide the fact that he reacted, and they both know it.

Stacker sends one sharp look at him, a mix of affronted and relieved and incredibly, incredibly turned on. Herc returns it. After disconnecting, it takes them three minutes to rush back to Stacker’s room.

There is a moment that passes between them where neither one moves or breaths, and then Stacker’s mouth is on Herc’s and the intensity is crushing him. Stacker only has a couple inches and barely 20 lbs on Herc, but he uses it, and uses it well. Herc finds himself back up against the wall, with Stacker’s hands roaming up his sides and Stacker’s demanding mouth biting and licking at his own.

“Oh my god,” Herc stutters out, “Stacker I-“

“Hmm…” Stacker just groans in response, and shifts his weight so that Herc can feel him hard against his hip.

For a moment, for one brief and shining moment, everything is perfect.

But then Stacker’s eyes snap open, and before Herc can even process what’s happening Stacker is breaking off the kiss and pushing away.

“I need you to leave, Herc.”

“What? Why?” Herc steps forward, tries to lay a hand across Stacker’s rough cheek, but the other man backs away sharply.

“I need you to leave. Now.” Stacker won’t look him in the eye, and there are a lot of ways Herc had seen this going, but this isn’t one of them. If Stacker feels it too, then why?

“Stacker if something’s wrong, you can talk to me about it.  I know… I know we just did something different, but I think we- I think we work better this way. I think it’s meant to be and-”

“Herc.” Whatever Herc was about to say is cut off when he looks into Stacker’s eyes. They’re not ordering, not demanding; they’re imploring. Stacker isn’t asking Herc this as his co-pilot, or his commanding officer, he’s asking Herc this as his friend.

“Fine,” Herc finally sighs. “But when you figure out what you want to say, ring me up, okay? No matter what, I’m still your partner and your friend. I’ll still follow you anywhere, sir.”

“I know that, Ranger.”

So Herc waits by the phone for one day, and then two. He visits Chuck at training and the two actually manage to have a short conversation for once. It’s not an especially deep one, but Herc figures that sometimes baby steps are necessary.

Chuck has just started training at the academy, and Herc has never been prouder, even if he doesn’t always say that. He doesn’t know how Chuck would’ve turned out if they’d never come to the Shatterdome, but here he is driven forwards a single relentless purpose.

“I’m gonna get more kaiju than you ever did, old man.”

“Know what kid? I hope you do. Make your old man smile a bit.”

On the fourth day, Herc considers calling Stacker, but then decides not to since he did promise he would give Stacker time.

He spends the day sorting through academy graduates and trying to match the right team to the right jaeger. The Beckett brothers catch his eye, and he moves them over to the pilot category. There’s a new spot opening up in Alaska soon, Herc knows, and it’ll be good for the kids to be defending their home.

Stacker calls him on the fifth day, with an invitation to visit him and Mako at their home.

Herc shaves, combs his hair, wears a suit, and picks up a bouquet of flowers on the way. It might be a little over the top, but he thinks earnest looks good on him.

When Stacker answers the door he takes one look at the flowers and rolls his eyes before calling up to Mako.

“ほら！　ハークさんはまこちゃんに花をあげるだ！　きれいな。。。”

“え？！” Herc hears Mako’s feet pad down the stairs and she approaches the flowers with big eyes. She’s grown into a beautiful young lady in the time that Herc has known her, and she is still absolutely fixated on becoming a pilot one day, though Herc knows Stacker’s feelings about that. “For me? 本当？”

“Yup, picked ‘em up special just for you, Miss Mori! All your favorites, right?” Herc smiles when Mako nods and accepts the flowers, holding them close but also being careful not to crush them.

“水を見つけて.” Stacker intones.

“うん。Thank you Herc-san!”

“My pleasure as always. Maybe later we’ll take a look at some of your jaeger designs together.”

“Yes, please!” Mako bows and then immediately darts away to find some water for the flowers, leaving Stacker and Herc alone in the room together.

“You know, bribing my daughter isn’t going to help you,” Stacker says, but there’s a smile in his eyes. It’s a sad smile, but it’s there.

“Do I need help?” Herc asks, and Stacker doesn’t respond.. “Stacker, I know you felt it. I could see it all in the drift. I know that you…” Herc clears his throat, trying to dislodge the words that had gotten stuck there. “I know that you feel things for me, like I do for you. I just think that if we followed this, we would be… happy.” Herc lets the word hang in the air for a second, and then Stacker sighs.

“I’m dying, Herc.”

“What?” Just like that the rug has been ripped out from under Herc’s feet. Dying? Stacker can’t be dying. Stacker is his best friend.

“It’s the bloody cancer that got Tamsin. Doctors found a trace of it on my last medical check. I found out yesterday about my results. It’s not good.”

“Stacker, I…” Once again Herc can’t find the right words. He knows he needs to comfort Stacker, but he feels like he needs someone to comfort himself. The world can’t do this to him again. So, even though it might be the wrong move, Herc pulls Stacker’s body close to his in an effort to comfort them both.

“They said I can never set foot in a jaeger again, or it’ll kill me.” Stacker’s words are almost muffled by Herc’s shoulder, but Herc hears them anyways. “So as of tomorrow, I’m retiring as a jaeger pilot, and I’ve been offered the position of PPDC Jaeger Marshall instead.”

“You’ll be a terrific Marshall,” Herc offers, and they both know he’s avoiding the real issue. Stacker is dying, and Herc is losing him as his co-pilot, and one day he’s going to lose him entirely. No one ever said life would be fair, but Herc can’t help but feel that he got cheated anyways. Stacker pulls away out of the embrace before continuing, and Herc’s fingers twitch at the loss of warmth.

“We can’t do this,” Stacker says and he continues before Herc can even argue with him. “I have to raise Mako, you have to keep an eye on Chuck. I’m going to be covering the world as a Marshall, while you’ll be defending Australia. I-“

“You don’t think you can be impartial about me on the field,” Herc says, causing Stacker to still. “And you don’t want us to continue this, if I’m going to lose you in the end. You think we’ve both lost too much already. Don’t bullshit me, Stack, I know you. I know how your mind works better than anyone else in the world. I know you think you’re saving me, and saving yourself, but you’re not. You’re not.”

“Which is where we disagree.”

They hold each other’s eyes for an intense second, and Herc wants to grab Stacker and kiss him senseless. He wants to make Stacker see how good they would be together. He wants Stacker to not only know that Herc doesn’t love him any less because he’s dying, but believe it as well.

In the end, however, it is Herc who looks away first.

“If you don’t want this, if you really think this is going to be bad for us, then I’m not gonna force it on you, mate. I’ll disagree until you the day I die, and I’ll be there waiting for the day when you change your mind, but I won’t force you. In the meantime, I’ll follow you like I always have. Nothing will change. Okay? Nothing will change, I promise.”

Except that, of course, everything will change since Stacker wasn’t going to be his co-pilot anymore.

Herc holds out his hand in friendship, and Stacker takes it, his iron grip still the same from the day Herc met him.

“We’ll find you a good co-pilot, Herc. You’ll be out on the field, and I’ll be watching over you from command. We’ll still be a team.”

“I don’t know if you can ever really replace the old one though, he was the best there ever was.”

Mako enters the room then with perfect timing, proudly carrying the flowers in a large vase.

“見つけた！ あの、ハークさんは一緒に晩御飯を食べる？”

“Well?” Stacker asks, and Herc nods.

“Dinner sounds great, Miss Mori. You know I love to spend time with you and your dad.”

“やった！”

oOoOoOoOo

“He’s coming up on our right, Dad.”

It’s Chuck next to him in the jaeger, in a fresh black divesuit and a new haircut for the news cameras. Herc rolls his eyes, and he very loudly telegraphs that feeling over the drift.

“I know, this isn’t exactly my first time around the block, kid. I see it. This is Striker Eureka checking in, permission to engage kaiju?”

“Permission granted, Ranger Hansen. Light the bastard up.”

The kaiju crashes angrily in front of them, and the Hansens move in sync to open up their chest and rain down the fires of hell upon the beast. If there’s one thing the father/son pair can agree on, it’s that every bloody kaiju has to die.

“Good shot.”

“Just doing my job, old man.”

“Seriously, fucking stop calling me that.”

Herc bounced partners twice in as many years after Stacker became Marshall before finally settling down with, of all people, Chuck. No one thought they would last, but here they are six years later and they’re still holding their own. If you asked Chuck, he would tell you that they were the best team in the business. Herc for once doesn’t disagree, though he would never say it.

It’s funny, because despite sharing a brain every couple months, the two of them can still barely communicate except for when it’s about Chuck’s dog Max. Chuck loves the little bugger, and Herc will admit that it’s the closest thing to a grandkid he’s ever known. Even if it does drool on his shoes.

But they’re talking. They’re talking and getting along and taking down kaiju together. If it doesn’t make them the perfect father and son pair, it still at least makes them co-pilots and partners.

They even hug now, on occasion. Nothing more than a little side hug, but it’s something. Chuck doesn’t do anything more than scowl when Herc ruffles his hair, and Herc can’t say it out loud but he is pathetically glad to be sharing every meal with his boy again. It’s as close to the way it used to be before as it’s ever been.

They come home on a victory high, which Herc thinks might be one of their last, though he doesn’t tell Chuck that.

Since Yancy Beckett died five years ago, the Jaeger Program has been struggling. He has watched Stacker face the fight head on, demand time and time and again for more funding, for more time, for more belief.

It didn’t seem like anything else is coming.

Herc, Chuck, and Max are sitting in the mess hall when one of the technician aides walks in and hands Herc a note. Herc reads it while pointedly not addressing the fact that Chuck keeps feeding the dog table scraps because no matter how many times Herc brings that up Chuck never stops. It’s not good for the dog, you know.

The note says that there’s another meeting of the PPDC officials in three weeks, and as the most senior jaeger pilot Herc’s presence is requested.

“Why not me too?” Chuck asks, and Herc grabs Chuck’s tray away from him before he can let Max finish it off.

“When you’ve been in the game long as I have, then they’ll ask for you to come along too, okay? Now finish your broccoli, and don’t feed it to the damn dog.”

“I’m not a child, I don’t have to finish anything if I don’t want to.”

Yeah, this is as close as they’re going to get to the old days, and it manages to bring Herc an odd sense of peace.

Herc keeps a steady eye on Stacker at the meeting as he faces off against the Pan Pacific Alliance for what must be the hundredth time. Herc hears them tear down the pilots and he hears the orders for the ending of the program. He sees Stacker struggle to remain in control and sees him take one of his damn pills that are just barely prolonging the inevitable.

When all is said and done, there is nothing they can do to save the program. They’re all supposed to go to Hong Kong, and then it’s getting shut down.

It is the end of the era, and possible the end of the world.

Stacker strides out of the room and Herc follows him, just on his heels.

He may not have piloted with Herc in years, but Herc can still read his mind, still hear every thought in the set of Stacker’s shoulders and the clench of his jaw.

If they’re going down, they’re taking the kaiju with them.

They get into the lift together, Stacker standing strictly at attention with Herc leaning against the wall behind him.

“You alright there, mate?”

“No, not really. But once we gather the team in Hong Kong, I think I’ll feel a little better.”

Herc follows Stacker down the hallway from the lift, only instead of going their separate ways at the end, Herc follows Stacker right into his room, and shuts the door behind him.

“Stacker, we need to talk.”

Stacker sighs like he was expecting this, and turns around to look Herc in the eye.

“This better be about the future of the Jaeger Program.”

Herc isn’t here to talk about future plans for the dying Jaeger Program.

“No sir. I’m here to tell you that I think we should be together.”

“Herc, I thought we talked about this a long time ago.”

True to Herc’s word, he never bothered Stacker about their relationship again. He kept his hands to himself, kept his mouth shut tight around the subject, and if Herc still had dreams at night that ended in a messy frustration in the morning, well that was nobody’s business but his own.

Except that now they’re at the end. They’re at the end of the program, the end of the line, and from the way Stacker has been popping pills they may be at the end of Stacker’s life.

“We need to talk about it,” is what Herc say. “Stacker, we’re at the end here. These are our final days, and we’ve gotta let them burn bright.” Herc moves closer to Stacker with every word. Slowly enough that it doesn’t feel like Herc’s trapping him, but enough that he makes his point.

“Herc, we’ve talked about this. I can’t-“

“I know your reasons. I know that they’re basically the same reasons for keeping Mako out the field, even though you know damn well that she’s the brightest to ever pass through the academy.”

“You keep my daughter out of this,” Stacker growls, and Herc acknowledges that it wasn’t fair for him to bring Mako into the fight.

“Sorry, that was playing dirty, and you’re right it’s not about her. It’s about you.”

“Me? Do you have a problem with me, Ranger?”

And that’s just the thing, Herc could never have a problem with Stacker.

Ever since his wife died, Herc has clung to the strength of his friend like a life raft. It was Stacker’s words that saved him, Stacker’s offer that brought him to the PPDC, and Stacker’s friendship that made him smile.

What Herc does have a problem with, is the fact that Stacker’s desire to save people is so all-consuming, that he incorrectly applies it to the people he loves.

“I don’t have a problem with you, Stacker, but I think you’ve got this all wrong. See, I think you still feel things for me, but I don’t think you’ve made a single bad call in the field. Not where I’ve been concern. I think, if anything, it’s made you even sharper. The only bad call you’ve ever made was about us.”

Herc’s crowding into Stacker’s space now; his blue eyes never leave Stacker’s brown ones.

“You think I made a bad call, and yet you’re still here.”

“Stacker, I have followed you for over ten years now. I’ve had your back in everything we’ve ever done. And you know I always will. You know that I’m still your co-pilot, not matter what. ”

Herc is so close now he can smell Stacker’s aftershave. He puts a hand on Stacker’s shoulder, and then moves it up to rub his neck. It’s just the two of them in the room, and Herc thinks he can hear their hearts beating in time for the first time in eight years.

“I know,” Stacker says, and Herc leans closer, the heat radiating off of Stacker’s body making him a little heady.

“I’ve been in love with you for a very long time, and I think you’ve been in love with me too, and the world might be ending soon so we better take advantage of the time we have left. Now, I’m gonna kiss you to remind you of that.”

Herc’s lips meet Stacker’s and it’s like being shocked back to life. The kiss is urgent and insistent, with Herc licking Stacker’s lips open and then it’s a mess of sloppy tongue. It’s wet and dirty and it is everything Herc has wanted for years. He feels Stacker responding to him, opening his mouth and letting out a small sound that might be a moan. Herc drags his teeth along Stackers bottom lip and his body feels hot and sturdy in Herc’s hands.

“So,” Herc breaths when the break apart, “do you still not want to do this? Because if you don’t, I will walk away right now, I swear, and never ever bring it up again. It’s your call, sir.”

It is not like a dam breaking, or like drowning. It is instead, Herc thinks, like they have suddenly taken off into the sky. He swears he can’t even feel his feet touching the ground, as corny as that sounds.

He does feel Stacker turn the tables, and slam Herc into the nearest wall, and they’re back to where they were eight years ago, with Stacker’s hands sliding up Herc’s chest and Herc’s hands clutching desperately to Stacker’s shoulders and then their hips are ground together and ooh _oooh._

Herc pushes off the wall and walks Stacker back to his bed, then struggles with his belt for a beat while trying not to watch Stacker mess with his own. They’re stripped down in a few seconds, and Herc has seen Stacker naked before – they were co-pilots for years – but he can’t help but stare a little now.

Despite working a desk job, Stacker is still all firm muscle and strong hands, and he pushes Herc down on his back into the mattress and idly rubs against him and their kiss is all teeth and tongue.

Herc feels a shiver run up his spine as Stacker rubs his hands down his chest and then grabs onto Herc’s hips and keeps him still.

“I’ve wanted this for so long,” Herc groans, and Stacker sinks his teeth into Herc’s shoulder in response. “I haven’t been with anybody else, Stack, I-“ Herc breaks off into a guttural moan as Stacker wraps a large hand around dick. He gives it one tentative stroke, and then another. The skin on skin is a little dry and a little rough, but just the realization that this is Stacker doing this to Herc and it’s not a dream is enough to make him forget about that for the moment.

Besides, it doesn’t take long before pre-cum is slicking the way, and then Herc manages to reach a hand down and get a hand on Stacker’s own cock. They match pace, except for when Herc swipes his thumb over the head of Stacker’s dick and then Stacker stutters for a moment, sucking his breath through his teeth.

The one thing Herc could never quite get right, not even in his deepest fantasy, is what sort of noise Stacker would make in bed. It turns out that he makes these low pitched moaning noises that drive Herc wild.

“I thought you were beautiful the first time I ever met you,” Stacker confesses, and even though they’re not in the drift Herc sees himself in Stacker’s memories from so long ago. Young and strong, smiling in a way Stacker couldn’t anymore. His red hair wasn’t tinged with gray yet, and you could see his muscles strain against the arms of his dress shirt. He offered his friendship to Stacker so casually and without even realizing it, Stacker took it.

“Sorry,” Herc pants, “that you got an older model now.”

“Wouldn’t trade you for anything,” Stacker replies before surging forwards and kissing Herc again. Herc gets lost in the slide of their hands, and the heat of Stacker’s mouth. He feels the pressure building and building, and when he finally comes Herc groans Stacker’s name into his mouth, and it’s only a few moments later that Stacker follows suit.

They lie there afterwards, sweaty and sticky and satiated in a way neither has been in years.

“See? Don’t you wish we’d done this sooner?” Herc asks, and Stacker presses another quick kiss to his mouth before answering.

“No. I still think I did the right thing.” He sits up now, and goes to the bathroom to get a wet rag to wipe them down with.

“Then why the change of heart?” Herc asks, and Stacker comes back and rubs the warm rag across his stomach.

“Because you were right. We’re at the end, and that means it’s time to try something different.”

“I know where this is going. Of course you want to talk jaeger strategy in bed. Well,” Herc yawns, “c’mon mate, lay it on me. What have you got planned in that head of yours?”

“We’re going to attack the breach, and we’re going to close it.”

Stacker lays back down in bed, and clicks off the light. Herc rolls over, wraps a protective arm around him, and leans his head onto Stacker’s chest. He gets to do this now. This is his.

“You know, if you’re in charge, I think it might just work.”

Herc lays for another hour in the dark before he says it again.

“I really do love you, you know.”

He isn’t surprised to hear Stacker say “I love you too.”

oOoOoOoOoOo

They had time together. Herc will always be grateful for that. They had moments in Hong Kong while they prepared for the end, times behind closed doors and nights spent in the false safety of each other’s arms.

Really they had more time than that. They had over a decade of friendship. That can’t ever be erased.

“Bastard,” Herc chokes up a bit as Stacker puts on the divesuit and prepares for Striker Eureka, “you want to go to the one place I can’t follow you.”

Stacker takes Herc’s face in his hands and kisses him slowly.

“You were never going to be able to follow me there.”

Saying goodbye to Stacker is the most painful thing Herc’s ever done, until he says goodbye to his son only five minutes later.

Stacker, he knew he would lose one day. That was always the price of their relationship. In fact, Herc thinks, it is probably kinder for Stacker to go out like this; the savior of the human race, as opposed to a sick man in a bed. If Herc didn’t know better, he would think Stacker planned for him to break his arm.

No one, however, should have to bury their child.

Herc takes one look at his boy, and it’s like he can see all 23 years of Chuck at the same time. He is the giggling baby boy and the bouncing toddler and the child with the skinned knee and the gangly angry twelve year old and the sullen fifteen year old and the determined seventeen year old and the strong twenty-three year old all at once.

“There were things I never said. Things I… I wanted you to know.” Herc can’t find the words, but Chuck doesn’t seem to need them anyways.

“I know dad.”

Herc hasn’t seen Chuck cry since Angela died.

Herc loves his son fiercely. Loves more than the sun loves the moon. More than birds love the sky. God, Herc hopes Chuck knows how much he loves him.

He hopes Chuck finally understands why he chose to save him all of those years ago. Why there was really never any other option.

“Take care of him,” Chuck says when he gives Herc the dog, and Herc is crying now, wet hot tears streaming down his face and this is his _son,_ his baby boy, his pride and joy. For all that they’ve never gotten along so well, this is the person that Herc loves most in the world.

Herc looks down at Max, and he knows that this is Chuck saying I love you too. They just never were very good at communicating.

He is so proud of this boy. Of this man.

“Stacker, that’s my son.” Herc calls, and he knows Stacker knows what that means. “That’s my son!” he says again, and a promise passes between them. Stacker will take care of Chuck until the end. Herc will take care of Mako for the rest of his life.

Then end comes when the bomb goes off, and it’s like Herc is back in Sydney again over twelve years ago. He feels ice spread through his veins and it’s like his heart is folding in on itself and everyone he loves his gone they’re all gone but he’s got to stay on track, he’s got to finish this mission.

Herc’s never going to see Chuck fall in love, or get married, or raise a family.

He coaches Raleigh and Mako through the breach.

Herc’s never going to see Stacker again, or talk to him again.

He tells Raleigh to use the override and bail out. There’s no time.

That, Herc thinks, is always the hardest thing about death. The fact that you will never, ever, see them again for as long as you live.

Two blips come up on the radar screen. They made it.

Stacker and Chuck are dead.

Yet the clock on the wall of the Shatterdome stops, and the world still erupts into cheers, and after a moment Herc forces himself to join them. He forces himself to smile despite the tears and the emptiness in his chest.

Because here’s the thing. Their win is not a hollow victory for Herc, because if it was a hollow victory then that would mean that Stacker and Chuck (his son Chuck his son the little boy Herc held in his arms and sung to sleep) dying meant nothing. Herc wouldn’t be able to live with himself if their deaths meant nothing.

That doesn’t mean that it’s easy, but Herc knows that if he loses it, if he lets the grief consume him, then that’s it. He’s lost the two of them completely. They died for him just as much as they died for the rest of the planet, and Herc can’t afford to forget that.

So Herc joins in the celebration, and in the parades. He goes through with the pageantry and the interviews and magazine covers.

Herc is a hero to the people, and he uses that to make sure that the people never forget Stacker Pentecost or Chuck Hansen. It’s their names that are going down in the history books, not his own.

Herc also has dinner with Mako every Friday, which eventually turns into dinner with Mako and Raleigh every Friday. He always brings her favorite flowers, and a case of beer.

And he brings Max too, of course. Wouldn’t be family dinner without Max.

It’s not much, and there are days when the weight of the world seems like it’s going to knock him over, but Herc survives. He even remembers how to be happy sometimes.

And other times, at night, when Herc searches through the drift in his mind, he can still hear Stacker’s heart beat in time with his own.

“You are stronger than you think you are.”

So despite everything, Herc lives. He lives and he lives and he lives for those who do not.

The time of monsters is over, and the future can finally begin.

**Author's Note:**

> Please be kind to me I'm not good at writing the sex but I tried I really tried.
> 
> DO YOU EVER JUST THINK ABOUT PACIFIC RIM AND START CRYING OUT OF BOTH SADNESS AND HAPPINESS BECAUSE I KNOW I DO.
> 
> There might be more Pacific Rim fics to come? I think?


End file.
